I’m sure at one stage or another everybody has been inside some sort of a gymnasium and have encountered the super buff bodybuilders that strut around like peacocks looking like an overblown balloon animal a clown made at a child’s birthday party. However, The rest of the gym space is taken up by different people that really get on my nerves and if you’ve ever gone to a gym you’ll know what I’m talking about(This is not in order):
- The Grunter,
particular brand of gym users, feel the need to shout(or grunt) as loud as they possibly can, like a caveman having an orgasm, while doing large weights. I mean if I wanted to listen to somebody grunting over and over again, I’d save myself the hassle of going to the gym and stay home and watch tennis.
- The Dropper,
These lads pump massive weight, which is fine, but then at the highest point they have the weight *BANG* they leave it go, almost crashing through the floor, leading everybody else to believe that there is a thunder storm nearby. They never even heard of common decency or even just plain shutting up and drawing as little attention to themselves as possible.
- The Looker,
Now, we know that guy who looks at himself in the gym, we know that he tries to hide the fact that he is doing it, but I mean come on, he spends more time around the mirrors than he does actually working out. Then bringing his shirt up to ‘wipe’ the sweat off his forehead to catch a glimpse of his stomach? he’s not fooling anybody. If there was no mirrors in the gym he wouldn’t even bother to show up. He’d probably be at home chocking down protein shakes and masturbating to pictures of himself.
- The Flamboyant,
These lads don’t appear in every gym but they’re certainly a number of them around the gym I go to. They never even heard of the word ‘gym gear’. Proper gym attire to them is, and I kid you not, chinos, a skimpy light colored t-shirt and converse shoes. To make matters even more irritating they only go on one machine for 15 mins while texting……TEXTING!! I know, right? Thank god they don’t stay for very long otherwise I would have caught them by their retro clothes and throw them out the window!
- The Personal Trainer/Pain In The Ass
I like to refer to these lads as ‘irritating bouncing balls’ because they literally bounce from spot to spot just looking and hoping for somebody that has a poor technique just so that they can finally get some human interaction.This really pisses me off cause they only come over to help the people that actually have some idea what they are doing and don’t help the people that look like they burnt their corn flakes and milk earlier that morning, never mind doing a gym program.
- The talker
Quite possibly the friendliest person you will ever meet. Leaps into the gym, starting conversations left, right and center with people, I’m almost certain he doesn’t know, but does absolutely nothing at all other than talk and take up space for somebody who wants to get something done.
- The Attention-Seeker
Now I’m sure the majority of you don’t mind this minor distraction strutting her stuff around the place, But wearing a tank top along with yoga pants,tighter than a fat kids grip on a cupcake, just screams attention seeking and desperate. I mean you are just asking for a staring contest between your nipples and every mans eyes in the gym.So don’t be surprised or upset when you see men staring at you, when quite OBVIOUSLY you want us to. We all know what your at…..and we appreciate it…..keep up the good work!
- The Ghost
On more than one occasion this lad has frightened the living daylights out of me. He lurks behind every machine like gollum from Lord of the Rings and watches everybody’s technique to help himself because quite frankly he looks like a pull through for a rifle and could do with a bit of bulking up.
- The Over-Achiever
This fella actually puts on so much weight that he needs at least 3 spotters to lift the weight for him. He doesn’t even do one proper repetition. Instead the spotters end up doing more work than he does. They are deeply in love with themselves and if their lips were big enough they probably kiss themselves.
- The Loud Mouth
Basically newspapers with legs, these information foghorns blurting out info that everybody really didn’t want to know, such as ‘riding’ this beour and that beour every night, getting this ‘wans’ number and about some J3 rugby match they played at the weekend and so on. Please keep your business to yourself.
- The no-hoper
Probably the person who keeps to himself and tries the hardest, but the only thing getting any thinner is his wallet. Everybody has sympathy for this poor fella in the gym.
- The Group
Talk about taking up space, these lads give the expression a whole new meaning, Crowding around the equipment like hobos to an open fire. Well at least they aren’t loud mouth gobshites with muscles like knots on a piece of thread…oh….wait….yes they are……..join a god dam support group and leave us all alone.
Well that was my list of people the really annoy me in gym. I am sure ye can all relate, but if ye haven’t come across anybody like anyone on this list then don’t worry….It’s probably you.
Everyday Life Characters 
